1 down, 2 to go!

We had our first homestudy visit yesterday with our case worker! She is incredible! So nice. So comfortable to talk to! God is so good to lead us to such an awesome agency. I feel so blessed and I praise God that we have them on our side helping us!

1 visit down, 2 to go! Tomorrow we have our second visit. Then the 7th we have our last one! I can't wait to move on to the next step (the hard one) and get on the wait list! Though I'm dreading the wait already I know there is something (probably patience) to be learned during this time! (God seems to always be trying to teach me patience... wonder why?) Yeah, I'm not a patient person.. I'm surprised I don't have gray hair at 26 from my impatience...  ;)

On a more serious note... God has been doing so  much in my heart... showing me many areas of my heart and life that I have not completely surrendered to Him. I'll just be honest, I like control. I also like the approval of people (sometimes more then God).. ouch, it hurts to even say that. I can't stand that people would think anything bad of me or disagree with me. God first revealed this to me on Sunday at Church when Bryan and I got up in front of the church to update on our adoption and ask for their prayers and support... I didn't know that God was going to use it as an opportunity to humble me... Because, in pride, I really didn't want to ask for help. I "feel bad" asking for financial help and for expressing our needs.. nope, its not just feeling bad, its down right pride. I'm afraid someone is going to be upset with us because we are asking for help... that's it. Pride. I don't want anyone to take it the wrong way.. Really, I just want everyone to like me!

John 15:18-19
"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

I know that God is using this chance to conform me into His image... I'm SOOO not there yet! And I'll NEVER be there on this side of life.. BUT He is at work in my heart and to be honest it feels a little painful. There are dreams, desires, feelings I just need to give up to Him. Ones I've held onto so hard. Ones I've convinced myself are God's will for my life (like my desire to have many children and my impatience in that I want more NOW).... But He's showing me that maybe His plans are different... maybe His plans look different then mine... maybe my plans are a part of His plans and maybe I'll have the house full of children that I so desire... maybe I'll only have 1 or 2 children. But only God knows... I need to wait and be patient..... be patient.... be patient.....

Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I want HIS plans, not mine. I know His are better, even though I can't see them, I know His ways are much better.... I will wait on the Lord!

And really,  it's NOT about ME anyways... if I don't have a lot of children, let the LORD be Glorified! If I have many children let HIM be Glorified! Or even if I only live for one more day, ALL FOR HIS GLORY! 

1 Cor. 10:31"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

It doesn't matter what my agenda is or what I think will make me happy in life... I must do everything for HIS Glory and I must love Him will all my heart and I must make disciples of all nations.

I'm not really sure who all is reading this but I do know that God is SO good and that He has a plan for our lives... I pray that you too would give up your agenda and your idea of how your life should look. Give it up and let's see what God has in store... He is Awesome God!

Goodnight :)

Stephenie